Perfectionism as a Survival Strategy
Perfectionism as a Survival Strategy
For so, so, SO, much of my life, I felt broken, damaged, & incomplete. These are the representations of survivors that were offered to me. These are the things other people would say to me; say about me. This is how I came to feel about myself.
There is no right way to be a survivor.
No matter how hard you exhaust yourself trying to be the “perfect survivor,” people will still blame you.
Perfectionism is a coping strategy for many survivors, a people-pleasing behavior designed to protect us as much as possible from additional violence & harm.
&/also
Perfectionism is exhausting, prevents us from building communities of care, & is ultimately unattainable.
Perfectionism will never protect us.
It took me a long time to accept that no amount of people-pleasing would earn me the support, resources, & care I deserved as a survivor; that no matter how hard I tried…
(to live up to their ideals of who they thought I should be or how I should feel or how I should respond or what I should do to heal)
…they would always find a way to question & dismiss my experiences.
It took me a long time to realize that I was not the problem: our culture & communities & the way we (don’t) care for survivors is.
I’ve experienced so much betrayal & violence & trauma & yet I am healing, stubbornly & slowly.
I thought healing meant I was broken & damaged & incomplete, that once I reached a certain point in my process, I would be whole again.
