3 ways to support survivors today

Nov 28

3 ways to support survivors today

many of us struggle with how to support survivors in our lives. we care so, so, SO much &/also we’re afraid of messing up, being imperfect, not knowing the “right” thing to say or do, so we don’t do anything.

& while this reaction is understandable, it’s also a source of harm for many of us, leaving us feeling even more isolated. i still think about how much the silence from my loved ones, friends, & communities hurt in the weeks/months/years following. as grace lee boggs noted, “the only way to survive is by taking care of one another.”

doing/saying something, even if it’s messy & imperfect, really, really, REALLY matters. i want to share some of the things that i find helpful in supporting other survivors (& that i’ve found helpful when i need support).

note: the strategies i’m sharing here are based on my own lived experiences as a white, chronically ill & disabled, fat, nonbinary queer femme survivor with c-ptsd (complex post-traumatic stress disorder), as well as what i’ve learned from talking with & caring for other survivors with a variety of lived experiences.

support is a practice & like any practice, it’s messy & we’ll make mistakes & we’ll learn from them, strengthening this vital skillset through intentional + deliberate work. this being said…

#1: don’t assume what support looks like

what survivors need & want to survive, heal, & thrive varies wildly from person to person. only the survivor themselves can speak to their needs.

just ask us what we need/want! seriously. try it:

✨ what does support look like?

✨ what would be helpful today/this week?

✨ what do you need?

we might not know what we need! actually, we PROBABLY won’t know what we need.

(because we’ve never been asked. because our culture doesn’t encourage us to think about ourselves as deserving of support. because what we need & want has never mattered.)

that’s why it can be helpful to be specific with our offers of support.

#2: be specific in offers of support

think about your skill & strengths &/ALSO your capacity + boundaries. with these in mind, what are 3 specific offers of support you can give to survivors in your community? for example, if you enjoy cooking &/or meal prepping, you could offer to cook & drop off meals to folks twice a week.

to get you started in thinking about this, here are a few of the specific ways i’ve supported fellow survivors:

✨ sending cute care parcels with some of my zines in them

✨ doing a 3-card tarot reading or pulling an oracle card for them

✨ affirmations & pep talks

✨ going with them to appointments & being an advocate if they’d like that

✨ text check-ins, regular phone calls, scheduled recurring or one-off videochat hang-outs

#3: financial solidarity + mutual aid

like many of us, survivors need resources like cash to survive & heal too. instead of sending your $ to nonprofits, give a few dollars to a survivor who needs funds. “trust survivors” includes trusting survivors to use any fund$ for what they need at that moment. when we don’t police + surveil each other, we create a culture of empowerment & self-determination & interdependence, a community of care. if you can, make this a regular practice - & prioritize Queer, Trans, Black, Indigenous, Survivors of Color.